Insthinktive

Sales PipeLYING Management (a fun poem for all sales leaders)

October 4, 2017

Sales PipeLYING Management

My boss called me in just the other day

“There are a couple of things I need to say

I could tell I was in for a frosty reception

I knew she was on to my pipeline deception

 

We have had these discussions many times in the past

About the accuracy of your sales forecast

But, the situation is getting out of hand

And I really need to understand

 

Your sales pipeline numbers always look fantastic

But your actual results, well they are often drastic

I know it’s an impossible game we play

To predict with accuracy which way a deal will sway

 

That’s it I said, with complete assurance

So I like to be optimistic as my insurance

I cannot predict I am no fortune teller

And I’m just like every other hard-pressed seller

 

Oh no, she said with a serious tone

The responsibility is all your own

You ignore the steps we have in our process

Building pipeline doesn’t happen by osmosis

 

Let’s take an example, here’s some we can view

Let’s look at a sales opportunity or two

Here is one, you have predicted to close

Where you get that conclusion, heaven knows

 

Well I spoke to him yesterday and we really connected

He praised the proposal I had perfected

We talked for an hour and built great rapport

That deal’s in the bag, of that I am sure

 

But what is his title? What role does he play?

Eh? I’m not quite sure, he just didn’t say.

Who else is involved in the final decision?

She looked at me now with some derision

 

None that I know of, he said he would decide

And going over his head, would injure his pride

So what about budget, have they money to spend?

I didn’t ask, I didn’t want to offend

 

What about pain, what are we trying to solve?

What compelling problems does it involve?

And has he confirmed it is a priority?

Or is he another one of your silent majority?

 

What are the barriers to closing the deal?

My face was red now, I couldn’t conceal

What plans have you made to close by next month?

Which foot are you on, the back or the front?

 

Deep down I knew I was Sales PipeLying

My numbers were weak, not for lack of trying

But I wanted to project a positive picture

And following process, I wished I was stricter

 

From the day I was born, I could talk and not listen

Sales I was told, was my destined position

I have always loved the sound of my own voice

When I sold you listened, you had no choice

 

They talked about process, about science v art

The showed me the stats on a colourful chart

Winners had structure, like day followed night

I said, it’s all just corporate shite

 

But now reality was starting to dawn

She was the Queen and me the pawn

Her move or my next would determine my fate

I had to assure her before it was too late

 

One month and I’ll faithfully follow the plan

I’ll embrace the process, be a different man

I’ll listen, I’ll learn, I’ll probe and I’ll question

I’ll take onboard every single suggestion

 

The impact was instant, I started to win

I married the process to my passion within

I learned all the steps, I built up momentum

I made some mistakes, you cannot prevent them

 

One month was enough to show I was focused

And this sales process stuff is not hocus pocus

I’m building a pipeline with substance not hope

And even my sales manager believes I can cope

 

So, no more pipelying, this stuff is for real

I follow proven steps to win every deal

I’m happier, energised a smile on my face

Selling is my destiny, I’ve found my place

Ronan Kilroy Insthinktive Sales Leadership Ltd. 04 October 2017